The doors loom large and formidable. They are double bolted, wooden and heavy. I am certain that even if I pounded on them with all my might the sound would be muffled and barely detectable on the other side. There doesn't appear to be any sort of bell so I must have been correct in my assumptions that I was not welcome here. I had known in my heart that I really wasn't supposed to be here. I was not talented enough, or good enough, or brave enough, or smart enough. Whatever the key was to gain entrance here I just wasn't enough of to get in.
I turn to walk away and then pause. Something in the door itself catches my eye. I turn back and step closer to the door and touch it ever so tentatively and suddenly the door gently swings open. I stand there amazed. The people inside bid me to come on. They are so excited at my arrival that I turn to see if perhaps there is someone behind me, but no its just me. I consider the possibility that perhaps they have me confused with someone else. Again no, they insist that they are so glad that I am there.
Its been that way for me lately .... alot. As I've started to step out and use those gifts and talents that He's given me I've found that the doors are opening with just a gentle touch. Doors I thought would never be open to me. Not that its been all flowers and candy. I've felt like I've been up and down on a roller coaster - and at times the ride has made me feel pretty ill. Fortunately I've gained some tools so that when the lows hit (pretty quickly after the highs) I can use those tools and question the dark places. "What is the lie I'm believing?" I mutter to myself amidst the tears. The answer comes very quickly although it may take me a little while to process it all and feel better.
The doors are scary but I am assured of this one thing I don't have to open them, I don't have to pound my way in or prove my worth upon arrival. Someone has done that for me.